Love; This is what it comes down to

I am not an expert on relationships but since it is Valentine’s day I just thought I could share the little I know with you, in case it may be able to help someone. Love is a wonderful thing, and the best antidepressant ever. This is why one of the most common sources of depression is the feeling of being unloved. Most depressed people either don’t love themselves or do not feel loved by others.

Unlike the common myth, love is not some uncontrollable force but a conscious decision. We make that conscious decision based on different aspects of life which is why we don’t fall in love with everyone. We consciously decide on whom to love based on different aspects such as dreams and aspirations, wealth status, fame, body shape, educational level, religious beliefs, etc. Different people prioritize different mannerisms depending on what’s important to them.

You need to make that conscious decision to love and be loved. Do not wait passively for it to happen like some natural event, go out, be active and find love. Even though this may seem so easy, still many people find themselves out of love or unhappy. As Mother Teresa said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” What could be the cause of this?

1. Many of our ideas about love are wrong. This is why we often get disappointed when what we get from love deviates from our minds’ ideal of love. Because our ideal is misplaced.

2. People want love but are not willing to give it

3. People want love but do not know how to get it

How then can one be in love and enjoy being in a relationship? Below are a few tips that you can apply to your relationship in order for you to enjoy it and be happy.

10 tips on how to be happy in a relationship

1. Start by loving yourself

You can’t give what you don’t have, self-love is the best way to find true love. You must love yourself before you can love someone else. Being in love with yourself is not only incredibly self-satisfying but is really an attractive quality to a partner.

You set the benchmark for how people should treat you by how you treat yourself. If you don’t love yourself, nobody can love you. Self-love is not something you should throw away when you enter into a relationship but a lifetime mission.

2. Understand yourself

A lot of people make the mistake of entering into a relationship with someone without an understanding of themselves. They end up confused and confusing the other person too. True love is not about finding yourself in another. Don’t fall in love without understanding yourself first or getting meaning. Your identity should not be to be another person’s other half but to be yourself. Be comfortable with yourself, know who you are, and know what you want to do with your life.

3. Stick to your principles, live your values and communicate them well with your partner

In a relationship, you make sacrifices and compromises but if you compromise to the extent of compromising your principles then chances are if things don’t work out, in the end, you will feel bitter, used, and taken advantage of.

Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you need to become them. Have a life outside your partner, keep your interests and your hobbies and you will even be a more interesting person to your partner than being coiled up in their lives all day every day. True love allows you to be yourself.

4. Allow your partner to be themself

The best way to create an environment of dishonesty between you and your partner is by failing to accept who they are. This results in a lot of dishonesty and pretenses. Accept your partner and allow them to be themselves around you without constantly trying to change them. There will always be differences between you and the next person, no matter how close you are. Negotiate differences.

5. Do not seek perfection in people. Leave room for disappointments

Everyone is perfectly imperfect and if you seek perfection in people you will be disappointed.  Every once in a while, you are going to be disappointed by one thing or two but if you leave room for those disappointments you will not be too frustrated when they happen. Don’t let differences kill your relationship. No problem is insurmountable, work through your problems and stay together. In mature relationships, struggles should bring you together not drive you apart.

6. Be fully committed to loving the other person

Love is a beautiful thing if handled well. Love consciously not unconsciously. Make it a daily effort to show the other person how much they mean to you and tell them often enough. You never know, today may be your last day to be able to do so. You don’t want to live with regrets for the rest of your life. Love is like a garden, if you stop watering it, it will dry up. And if you want to get love, then you also have to give it yourself.

7. Love consistently

There is nothing that draws your partner closer to you than the knowledge that you love them anyhow, regardless of the weather or the circumstances. Circumstances will surface which make it difficult for you to love the other person. But I promise you, if you can love your partner through these circumstances, you build a stronghold through which they can learn to trust you. People are often more prone to act honestly if they feel that they are loved unconditionally. Remember, what you give is also most likely what you get in return. If you are judgemental, you will also be judged.

8. Be great friends with your partner

Friendship is a strong premise to build a relationship because when all else fails, you still find something to fall back on. Besides telling each other how much you love one another, you need to be able to maintain conversations, share jokes and enjoy each other’s company even when you are not talking about love.

Speak about your ambitions, and motivate, encourage and support each other. Help each other’s dreams come true. Talk about your daily difficulties and help each other out. Over time, physical passion may fade but friendship lasts longer, sometimes forever.

The reason why most relationships end up boring is that the only thing you talk about is love and romance. Without that, you have no conversation. Be with someone you can talk to the whole day without getting bored or better still, someone you can be quiet with the whole day and still enjoy their company.

9. Apologize when you are wrong and also accept apologies

Apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean you are fully responsible for the wrong, remember, it takes two to tangle. Apologizing is a sign of maturity in a relationship. It means you acknowledge that you value your relationship above whatever happened. There is no relationship without mistakes or disappointments, always be willing to apologize to your partner. Sometimes it only takes an apology to fix what’s broken between the two of you. When your partner apologizes, also have the heart to forgive them.

10. Be with somebody you can be yourself with

You need to be with somebody you are comfortable with not somebody you are always pretending to be something else. Most of the time we have family and friends interfering in our decision about whom we should be with but in the end remember, you are the one who is going to be with that person, not your family or your friends and whatever you are going to face, it is you who will have to deal with it.

I would love to hear from you about how your love stories so please, leave a comment for me below, and if you found this useful kindly subscribe to the site and share it with others. 

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