Those who intentionally hurt others are the ones who need healing the most

A lot of people are miserable in their lives. They run around like garbage trucks, full of garbage, frustration, anger, disappointment, and hurt. Trying to find a place to dump it. If you are not careful, they will dump it on you. These are called energy vampires because they appear in your life to suck the energy out of you. They make you question whether you are doing the right thing, whether you are such a horrible person, or even doubt your capabilities.

These people have art in making you feel horrible about yourself and that you are always at fault. They blame someone else for whatever happens. They are always completely blameless. Dealing with this type of person is much more difficult but understand, it could be worse, that person could have been you. If not managed well, they can cause terrible guilt, anxiety, and other mental illnesses in you.

It is important to always remember that it’s not about you but about them. Whatever they dump on you is a reflection of them and the issues they are facing but are failing to deal with so they make it feel like it’s your fault. They are hurting inside and they want to hurt others so that they can feel powerful. They are manipulative. So don’t take it personally. Many times when people are dealing with difficulties in their lives, those around them become the targets of their unhealthy coping strategies.

If you are not careful you will end up feeling exhausted, drained, and even depressed. You need to know how to handle them.

Strategies to deal with energy vampires

In the end, know that three things can come out of this, you can choose to be affected by their negativity, you can cut them off from your life or you can be empathetic about their pain and become a hero or heroine by helping them out.

Here is how you can handle them;

1. Be empathetic but don’t take the blame for things you are not responsible for

You are not responsible for all the world’s problems. You don’t have to feel guilty for everyone who is unhappy in their life, it’s not your fault. Be empathetic but remember it’s not your fault! Provide a sympathetic and unjudging ear. Ultimately, the best way to protect yourself emotionally from a negative person is to be secure and confident. Don’t let a negative person cause you to doubt your abilities or undermine your desire to pursue your dreams.

You don’t have a responsibility for other people’s feelings or actions, but you are responsible for yourself. For this reason, at some point, you need to put your own well-being ahead of others, and focus on your own life rather than theirs. This is not something that you should feel guilty about doing. You likely want to feel like you are an empathetic healer, and the truth is, empathy is a great thing to have. Don’t guilt yourself for putting yourself first. You have to recognize and understand that everyone is on their own unique journey in life. If you have a friend who always has some kind of drama going on, let that be their journey. Don’t make it your own. Don’t allow yourself to get pulled into their drama and have it impact your own positive journey through life.

2. Focus on your inner energy

The less you pay attention to energy vampires, the less they’ll affect you. If you want them to suck your energy then give them attention. They want your energy and so you have to be strong and not give in to them. Eventually, when they realize you won’t give them the reaction they seek, they will take their angry rants elsewhere.

3. Let them go

It’s important to be able to let go of the idea that you owe everyone a solution. With some people, you just have to let them go. They have to take responsibility for their own lives and they won’t if someone is always there to fix everything for them. Let go of trying to fix things or help them. It is not your job to make an unhappy person happy. The only person whose happiness you can control is your own.

4. Ask them, “So what do you think should be done?”

There are people who always have something negative to say. It’s always a problem that they bring to the table. Asking them the above question brings their attention from just being problem bearers to solution seekers. Ask them to focus on solutions, not problems.

5. Don’t react, rather respond mindfully or just smile

This may sound crazy but I have since realized the power of smiling. Especially when someone is trying to bring you down with their negativity. It makes them realize that they are not getting to you and often times they wonder what’s going on in your mind. Most of the time energy vampires are seeking a reaction from you, don’t give it to them. They try by all means to stir up negative emotions in you.

When you feel angry or flustered after dealing with a negative person, that’s a sign you’ve reacted rather than responded mindfully.  Keep your dignity and don’t lower yourself to their level.  True strength is being bold enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high.

6. Let go of the desire to change other people’s negative tendencies

Some people you can help, others you can’t.  Recognize the difference and it’ll help maintain your equilibrium. Don’t be taken in by energy vampires, manipulators, and emotional blackmailers. For the most part, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try.  Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them.

7. Detach yourself

Maintain your emotional distance. Maintaining a level of emotional detachment from other people’s opinions of you is vital for keeping stress at a distance.  Not allowing anyone to put the weight of their inadequacies on your back is vital to your emotional health and happiness.  It all comes down to how you value yourself and thus believe in yourself.

People who manage their lives effectively are generally those who work internally i.e. those who know that success and well-being come from within (internal locus of control).  Negative people generally work externally i.e. blame others or outside events for everything that does or doesn’t happen (external locus of control). When your sense of satisfaction and self-worth is derived from the opinions of others, you are no longer in control of your own happiness.

You may feel pressured to listen to their complaints simply because you don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a compassionate ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional drama. You can avoid this drama by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary.

8. Set your boundaries

Granted, there are people who you can’t eliminate from your life. Set limits and distance yourself when possible. Setting boundaries is how you give yourself a break from an encroaching negative person. Keep the negative person at arm’s length to avoid being overwhelmed by their toxicity.

Even though you live with a smartphone wired to your hand, you aren’t required to return every call or text immediately. When you’re frustrated or annoyed with a difficult person, take some time to collect your thoughts. Contact them when you are calmer. Give yourself time to recharge your batteries so when you do deal with them, you have the endurance and patience to handle them with grace.

It’s wise to limit your exposure to the person when possible. Set boundaries, someone else’s negativity is not your responsibility to deal with. If they’re bringing you down too much, you need to spend time away from them.

9. Create a positive environment in your personal life

You have to put forth the work to create the environment that you want in your life. Start by surrounding yourself with people who share your attitude of positivity. You will feed off each other, and contribute even more to each other’s positive attitudes.

View this challenge as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. I usually used to avoid negative people from my life until I realized that there is so much I could learn from their experiences as mental health practitioners and life coaches. These days whenever I meet a negative person I listen and pay attention because I know they need help.

How do you deal with energy vampires in your life? I would love to hear from you so please, leave a comment for me below and if you found this useful, kindly subscribe to the site and share it with others. 

If you need to speak to a professional counsellor, don’t forget to get in touch with Psyche and Beyond.



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